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Divorce is Painful.
Divorce is painful! It does not mean the
divorced person is no longer part of the Church. The
divorced person is encouraged to attend Mass,
receive the Sacraments and participate in parish
life just like always. The Church needs to be a
place of strength and healing. We want to be that
for our divorced members. I hope you take the time
to read the following material and ponder it. If
this is the right time for you, perhaps you will
contact your parish priest or another priest of
your Diocese to talk more about the process. It
may take time for that to happen. Accept the
following words as information. Know that you are
loved and cared for, and that we stand ready to help
you deal with the transitions you are facing. The
Church is your home. We are here for you.
Don't forget that!
When a couple marries,
they intend to stay together for life. Their future
hopes and dreams are very much linked together. As
time goes on, they can find that Marriage is very
difficult indeed. They can grow apart over the
course of time, to the point that one or both of the
partners no longer works on the Marriage commitment.
Divorce can be the result. The Catholic Church
teaches infallibly that once a Marriage is a
Sacramental Marriage, there may never be another,
unless one of the partners should die. The Annulment
Process is an investigation to determine whether the
Marriage was a Sacrament from the very first day.
Marriages don't fail
because couples want them to. They fail for very
real reasons. The annulment process looks at
those reasons and tries to determine if there were
signs of them from the beginning. The Catholic
Church expects certain qualities and capabilities to
be present in those getting married. These need to
be present in order for the marriage to be
Sacramental and valid in the eyes of the
Catholic Church.
An Annulment does
not say there was never a marriage or that
children born of the union are illegitimate. It
simply deals with the Sacramental character
of the marriage. If an Annulment is granted, that
means the person would be free to marry within the
Catholic Church.
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WHAT IS AN
ANNULMENT?
An annulment is a declaration by the Catholic
Church that after careful investigation, flaws were
discovered in the relationship that prevented it
from becoming a marriage as understood by the
Catholic Church (see:
Marriage As
Sacrament). An annulment is concerned
mostly with SPIRITUAL AND PERSONAL aspects of
marriage. It does not "erase" the civil contract,
and it does not render the children illegitimate. It
merely states that after thorough investigation, the
Church has decided that a marriage, as the Church
understand marriage, was not valid; that is to say
lacked one or more essential elements that make a
marriage, marriage.
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GROUNDS FOR
ANNULMENT
A marriage can be declared invalid (annulled) for
several reasons related to the ability of one or
both of the partners to understand and agree to the
Catholic understanding of marriage before the
wedding ceremony.
Here are some common reasons:
1.
An existence of an impediment, such as a previous
marriage or religious vows or a close blood
relationship between the couple (a brother and
sister or first cousins). Some of these can be
dispensed.
2.
Psychological incapacity, at the time of the
wedding, to assume the duties of marriage For
example, if one of the parties suffers from a
serious mental illness that prevents him of her from
taking up parental or spousal duties.
3.
The presence, at the time of the wedding,
of an intention contrary to marriage or something
essential to marriage; for example, one of the
spouses refuses to gave children, does not intend to
remain faithful to the other spouse, or believes in
the possibility of divorce.
4.
The presence of a future "condition" for
marriage, such as one spouse demanding that the
other spouse will achieve a certain level of income.
5.
Psychological immaturity that did not
allow one or both parties to understand the true
nature of marriage at the time of the wedding, An
example would be a teenage couple who hardly know
each other, but who decide to marry because the girl
is pregnant, They have not thought about how
they will support each other in marriage, nor do
they know each other well enough to make a lifelong
commitment.
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Marriage As
Sacrament
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But she's
(he's) Protestant!
Why do I have to seek annulment if I was married
to a Protestant? Marriages between two non-Catholics
or a non-Catholic and a Catholic performed in a
Protestant Church are presumed valid by the Catholic
Church if neither partner had been married before.
Therefore, the Church requires annulment of that
marriage before the person is fee to marry in the
Catholic Church. In doing so, the Church is
acknowledging the sacred nature of all marriages.
Just as baptism in a non-Catholic church is
considered true baptism, so is marriage in a
non-Catholic church considered a true marriage.
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Does a civil
marriage have to be annulled and why?
If you are a baptized Catholic and you were
married outside of the Church, before the Justice of
Peace, you still need to obtain an annulment - a
special dispensation needs to be granted because
your marriage lacked the Catholic Form (i.e. was not
performed before a priest and two witnesses) and
subsequently was not valid according to the law of
the Church, even though it was a legally recognized
marriage both by the court of law and the church.
(see:
Lack of Form). So a civil
marriage is still a marriage legally and is
recognized as a sacred union, even though it lacks
the Catholic Form (i.e. did not take place in the
church and did not follow the Church's law).
The dispensation because of the lack of
form can be very easily obtained and does not take
as much time as an annulment would in cases where
two people were married in the Catholic Church or a
Protestant Church.
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Is Divorce a
Sin?
The simple answer is NO.
When the Pharisees asked Jesus if it was
permissible for a man to divorce his wife, Jesus
said: "Whoever divorces his wife and marries
another, commits adultery against her; and if she
divorces her husband and marries another, she
commits adultery." (Mk 10:11-12).
Because of that many people think that divorce
itself is a sin and grounds for automatic
excommunication from the Church. THIS IS NOT TRUE.
In fact, Divorced
Catholics Who Have Not Remarried remain
in good standing with the Church. They are not
excommunicated. They can receive communion and
participate fully in the sacramental life of the
Church.
However, Individuals Who
Are Divorced And Remarried Without An Annulment
are not permitted to receive communion unless they
agree to live as brother and sister. That of course
is and can be rather trying and difficult situation.
Therefore, we encourage anybody to pursue an
annulment even before you engage in another
relationship. But remember, even though you may not
be able to receive communion, because you have
remarried and not obtained an annulment from your
first marriage, that does not mean that you are
completely excluded from the church. You are still
encouraged to consider yourself Catholic, and indeed
you are one, to remain in the Church, to attend
Mass, and to raise your children in the Faith.
Why can't I receive communion? Well, even though
you have been divorced and remarried in the civil
world, so to speak, you are still considered validly
married in the eyes of the church to your "former
spouse" because you have not obtain an annulment.
That is to say that your previous marriage, even
though civilly dissolved, in fact still exist;
meaning the Church believes that you are still
married (in the church) to your ex-husband (as
understood by the civil law). The civil divorce does
not annul the marriage that took place in the
Church. It only dissolves the civil marital
contract. Only when your marriage is annulled you
are totally and without any restrictions free to
marry again in the church. So you are so to speak
"married twice" - in the church and in the civil
ceremony. I hope that makes sense to you. In that
situation, you are not really freed spiritually,
sexually and personally to begin another
relationship, since your previous one still exist as
the Church understands it. And if that is true, and
it is true from the perspective of the Church's law,
the issue of faithfulness to your previous marriage
still exist.
So divorce itself is not a sin. Rather it is a
matter of fact. What puts one in a position of
committing a sin is a situation where a person lives
in another relationship knowing that his/her first
relationship still exists in the eyes of the Church.
Therefore, the Church encourages everybody who
divorces civilly to see if an annulment can be
granted before engaging in another relationship, so
later on a person is not placed in a situation of
spiritual and personal conflict.
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What is the
process?
If all your hope of salvaging your marriage has
been exhausted, you may inquire about the annulment
process. In North America, most tribunals require
that there first be a civil divorce before
considering the case.
May people wait until they want to enter into a
second marriage to begin the annulment process. But
it is best to know whether you will be granted an
annulment before beginning another relationship.
Next, contact your parish priest. He will direct
you on how to start the necessary paperwork.
Although the process may vary slightly from
diocese to diocese, you will be asked to provide
details - to the priest or a marriage tribunal
representative - about your courtship, engagement,
and wedding, and the breakdown of the relationship.
Either spouse can initiate the process, but both may
be asked to testify.
You also will be asked to provide the names of
two or three witnesses who can verify your
information. If witnesses are not available (perhaps
the marriage took place so many years ago that
potential witnesses are deceased, for example), the
annulment process still can proceed.
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What does it
mean?
Advocate:
Cleric (priest or deacon) or layperson
appointed by the tribunal or the party to the
marriage to represent the party and safeguard his or
her rights in a canonical court process.
Lack of Form: If
a baptized Catholic marries outside the Church, this
marriage is invalid (example, civil marriage before
the Justice of Peace). The Catholic form (law)
requires marriage in front of a priest and two
witnesses. A dispensation from this form can
be granted, but without it the marriage is invalid.
Pauline Privilege:
When two unbaptized people are married, that
marriage is no-sacramental and can be dissolved in
favor of a new marriage after one party receives
baptism. This presumes that the party seeking
baptism is not the cause of the breakdown of the
marriage.
Defender of the Bond:
An official of the ecclesiastical (the Church's)
court who defends the marriage bond.
Tribunals:
The courts of the Church in every diocese that
decide matters of canon law (The Church's law).
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